Monday, July 7, 2014

Hi, 34

I turned 34 exactly one week ago.
The day passed without much notice. 
I went to work... I came home... I ate pizza... Cory went to the grocery store to get me a cake at 11pm... I ate some then went to sleep. 
It's how I prefer to celebrate birthdays really. I've never been a fan of being the center of anyone's attention, let alone a group of people who may not even want to be there celebrating the existence of me anyhow.
Holy shit I'm 34.
Next year I'll be 35. 
And 35 just sounds 
Am I an adult? I don't feel like an adult. I still feel like a lost 17 year old girl playing house.
Yet here I am with my husband, 3 children, and 9-6 job. 
People depend on me to survive. They call me Mama. 
I don't know if it will ever feel real...this whole being a grown up thing. 
But here I am...
And this here. This is nothing more than me trying to keep the moment from passing without a nod of the head. A how do you do if you will.
In keeping with standard blogger tradition. (Hi I'm the worst blogger ever nice to meet you)
Goals for my 34th year. In no particular order, because that requires too much brain power.
1. Run at least 3 more 5k's. I'm only racing myself here though pressure. Just do them and don't die. 
2. Learn to play a new instrument. At least one song on a new instrument. 
3. Either cut ties with people who bring me down or learn to just shut the fuck up about it. People can only make me miserable if I let them.
4. Read the Harry Potter series again.
5. Get completely wasted and go sing karaoke with Cory. This one is mostly for his amusement and enjoyment. He loves karaoke. He also loves laughing at me while I drink. 
6. At least attempt to learn to rap. I'm half Korean so chances are pretty likely that I'm an undiscovered prodigy.
7. Quit being a pussy when people bring up my outlook on things of a spiritual nature. This one's gonna be a toughie.
8. TP Wayne Coyne's house. This one's more of a I wish I could do it....
9. Learn how to cook more Korean food. 
10. Get back under 200 pounds. I was there last November (barely) then life happened. Translation: stress eating happened.
11. Build a dark room at the shop. Invite all my friends over for a dark room party.
12. Continue to stalk Rainbow Rowell on Twitter. She still favorites most of my tweets directed her way so I think I've nearly broken her down and convinced her to be my best friend.
13. Continue to resist tweeting Tom Hiddleston my thoughts throughout the day because that's really fuckin' creepy, he'll never see them, and could literally give two shits.
14. Learn how to shuffle a deck of cards.
15. Get a passport. Because you never know. 
16. Start a fist fight with my mom when she asks me if I've gained weight. 
17. Go hiking. In real hiking boots. With a backpack and North Face jacket. Because anything worth doing is worth doing well.
18. See Emily at least twice. Watch "Brokeback Mountain" with her (again) and drink copious amounts of whiskey.
19. Write Lena Dunham a letter/email and tell her how much she means to me.
20. Work on being more patient with my kids. This one is an ongoing struggle. I can be a real asshat sometimes.
21. Write more. In any capacity. Just write more.
22. Read all the existing Saga's because Cory's asked me to. And I love him.
23. Take a fishing pole to a body of water, put a worm on the hook, catch a fish, take it off the hook, bring it home, clean the fucker, cook it, then eat it. 
24. Spend more time with my daddy.
25. Get at least one pedicure/manicure with a friend. Because they make me feel pretty and doing something just because it makes me feel pretty is okay, really is.
26. Drink more water. And no, coffee doesn't count just because it has water in it.
27. Chill the fuck out. 
28. Quit comparing myself to others. I can only be me, right? 
29. Continue to spread the good message of Rainbow Rowell, Langhorne Slim, and Josh Groban's twitter account. 
30. Take Faith's inevitable progression towards puberty with grace and dignity. Resist the urge to scream, "YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE'S APPROVAL" when she asks to shave her legs because all the other girls are doing it. 
31. Camera. Use it more. 
32. Hug like I mean it more. 
33. Party til I puke. Literally. Just once so I can say I did it. 
34. Photograph another birth.
And now it's time for the birthday selfie. (Taken 7 days late)

And the birthday playlist. Which is proof that I'm now an adult, because it's all mellow and shit. But I'm a cool adult, guys, because it has like..Bon Iver on it.

-V out. Good night. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Just yawning, don't mind me

Last night I had a dream. In that dream were The Avett Brothers, and me..backstage. Backstage.
There were hair clippers on the floor, surrounded by locks of silky brown hair. Scott's hair.
And I wanted to steal it. Take it. Put it in my pillow. Make a tiny Scott doll. Because that's something I would definitely do in the waking hours.

Finding time to do things is tough when you work a 9-6 schedule. No shit, Sherlock. But it's been such a long time since I've done it.... so I'm finding ways to adjust. Cory working nights is seriously fucking with my life too. Just a few more days and I'm hoping we can find a way to settle into some kind of normalcy.

For now this is a "Hi, I'm alive" moment. Some bloggers are spreading incredibly important messages across this great land. Me? I'm here to tell you guys about my borderline erotic dreams involving the locks of discarded hair from celebrities and tell you that I'm super tired. Like, I don't wanna get off the couch to walk to the bed tired. Mostly because there's a pile of laundry on that bed waiting to be folded and put away.

Dear Husband,

Please come home and rub my feet.


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Well, hello

I won't do the thing where I say "Has it really been over a month since I posted?" because I realize it's been that long.

With me blogging comes in spurts, and I only find it satisfying when I do it on my own timeline.

Okay, life. God. Life. This last month has been like riding the most terrifying roller coaster ever built. Up and down over and over again. But things are up and I have the distinct feeling that they'll continue to head that way.

Our online store has now been opened for 2 1/2 days and the response has been relatively encouraging. I mean....we haven't made thousands of dollars and people aren't scrambling to buy our shit, but a few people have bought a couple things so at least we know all that crazy work wasn't for nothing.

We'll take over the building in Guthrie sooner than we'd planned. (Like...immediately) It's exciting, but nerve wracking since we have to come up with rent immediately, although we're hoping that our landlord will show us a tiny bit of grace since it was unexpected. (No one's fault there...just the way life works out sometimes, ya know?) So all of you who have graciously volunteered to come help us roll new coats of paint on the walls, put in shelves, and rip up carpet will be getting calls and texts in the very near future.

The biggest change of all was when we found out I would be needing a new job. In this world I hate very few things. I mean, lots of things annoy me but hate? One of those things is job hunting. Resumes and phone calls and trying to make a good impression. Those are all things I struggle with.

But for once I had a stroke of luck because one of the best employers I've ever had was looking to fill a position nearly identical to the one I did a few years ago, for a ridiculously huge amount of pay (for us anyway). I mean...this is more money than our little family has ever seen. It's that magic number that I've wanted to get to for years. I've always known that if we could just get to this number we could afford to move out of our trailer at some point, get at least one car that does what it's supposed to do, and not rely on the occasional assistance from food stamps and the like.

Well holy shit, you guys. I start that job tomorrow and everything is changing. I went out to buy new big girl clothes today for my big girl job and it felt so good. I'm so excited to wear slacks and cardigans and put on makeup every day.

Cory will keep his job at the library because he loves it and he's really fucking good at it. But he'll shift gears to taking over most of the business stuff which will be a huge weight off my shoulders. Together we're gonna make the most amazing team. Well, we always have, which is why he's still my best friend after nearly 15 years.

Once the book/record store is ready to open in Guthrie we may shift gears to just being open for business 1-2 days a week during the summer (if we have it ready by then) but then we'll be open full time this fall since Cory will be back to working the late evening shift and can run all of that for us. We'll still be running crowd funding within the next month for the improvements on the building and building up some inventory, but this job takes some of the pressure off since we know we'll at least be able to cover the rent and utilities for now. It also means Cory can go to graduate school and get that coveted masters of library science degree without the same level of stress we had getting him his bachelor's.

I honestly feel like everything has happened over night. It's almost a shock to my system. I'll miss seeing my kids more often, since this is a legit Monday-Friday 9-6 job, but dammit if I'm not gonna put a picture of them at my desk as a reminder of what I'm working for and kick this job's ass all over the place.

Our family is so ready for changes. We're so ready to not live in poverty any more. I was explaining the numbers to my mom over the phone and just broke down. Good changes, you guys. They're happening.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Spring Breeeeaaaaakkkkk, Y'all

Spring Break. Are both words in that supposed to be capitalized? What's the protocol here?

Things that make me think of Spring Break/Spring break/spring break/SPriNg bReAK....

Ice cold Coca-Cola. Yea, Son...

Stress. But only after having kids in school. And not because I don't adore being with my kids, but because I may have uttered the phrase, "If you guys fight the entire week this is gonna be the longest week EVER." Also one of them said today, "I miss school." Just so we're clear here, it's Monday. The first day of Spring Break. 

Friends. Not on a beach in bikini, but in my glass swimming with ice and Diet Coke. My friend's names are Jim, Beam, Honey and Whiskey. We're besties. 

Pauly Shore. MTV. Sadness. Wasted lives.

I mean....not really, but am I ever gonna have a halfway legitimate opportunity to post this to my bloggity blog? 

Cold coffee. Extra coffee. All coffee. Coffee coffee coffee.


Katy Perry's boobs.

Angelina Jolie's new boobs.

Pamela Anderson's boobs.

James Franco's capped teeth and braids. 

Really though....

Tonight's post has been brought to you by stress followed by optimism followed by anger followed by frustration followed by sadness followed by advice from my TV boyfriend.

The moment I realized Cory was Adam & I'm Hannah....

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


My day started with drama. Lots of it. Being a parent is beautiful, magical, and down right maddening. 

I got to work after the war we'll just call "getting the kids to school" where I proceeded to sit in a corner hidden from the front windows and had myself a good cry. 

Crying heals. Crying breaks you down then enables you to stitch yourself back together. 

Then Cory called and asked me if I was okay. And in an effort to be more honest I told him that I was, at the moment, so not okay.

What's a loving husband to do but come sit with you at work after only 3 hours of sleep...then get you Chinese food at lunch time, and eat it with you while watching The Office just so you'll use laughter as the needle and thread. 

Oh by the way, you know what else heals? Ice cream. 

Sweet new glasses from some of my favorite people: Tumbleweeds. These beauties are a part of the Amelia collection.  I had my prescription lenses put into them easy peasy and adore them. 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

It's Tuesday. This is random.

I told Emily (my PLP..platonic life partner...BFF....bosom friend) that I was going to write a series of blog entries on things that annoy me. I also said that it would more than likely be a ten parter.

And while I was mostly joking (but not really)

Oh okay a short list:

Fork. Plate. Stop scraping them together for fuck's sake.

Timid women (usually Asian) that walk like they're forever on ice or have to take a shit. I can say this because I'm half Asian so that makes it okay.

Bewbs. No. They're boobs. Tits. Headlights. Hooters. Gerber Servers. Whatever. But never ever bewbs.

Loud eating noises. This one is especially hilarious since I'm the most disgusting, noisy eater possibly on the planet and most definitely in my house.

My children whining. Listen...I have the most brilliant, perfect children on the planet. But I go into full on Hulk mode when they start using their horrible voices. I fully recognize the irony of me whining on the internet at this very moment about my children whining. I never said I was perfect.

Repetitive techno. No. Wait. Basically all techno.

People saying, in extreme disbelief, "You don't like 'Adventure Time?!!!'" No, I don't. I know I'm a terrible disappointment but hopefully you'll find a way to look past my faults and tolerate me anyhow.

Basically there are a lot of reasons to be annoyed, you guys. Just an example: I got to hear for a good minute or more today from someone I love about the man crossing the street wearing sweatpants tucked into what appeared to be....snow boots? Rain boots? Whatever it was that special someone in our van was, at that moment, more offended than I'd witnessed in an extremely long time. I mean....he ruined that someone's entire afternoon by making poor fashion choices before walking out his front door this morning.

I can never decide whether being easily annoyed makes me an asshole or just human. I suspect that you're all assholes too, but must be better about keeping it all bottled up inside.

Anyway....feel free to share with me on the street, in a comment, by owl post....what annoys you. I'm starting to think that everyone keeping these grievances with other people and/or life bottled up inside is part of why we're all over eating. No? Just me?

Amazing things I've found while searching the deep dark pits of the internet. And by deep dark pits what I mean to say is that you guys have all probably seen this shit already and I'm just completely wasting your time right now.

I just ordered one of these to carry my whiskey water around in. Word.

My place of employment has been stepping up their pinterest game, so you guys should so. totally. follow us. Here. Link. Follow.

One of you should make this for me then invite me over. I'm a super gracious guest who will praise that meal until the end of time.

Because I don't need a reason.

The google search for "Leo 90's" is basically my horny adolescence in a nut shell. At least til you get to the image of a sheep which leads you to one of the most fantastic tumblrs I've ever had the pleasure of coming across. 

Did I tell you guys I've been reading through the 1st installment of Game of Thrones? If I get through them all I expect someone to throw me a party complete with Jon Snow himself in attendance. And when I show up I want you all to tell me in your most ominous tone (after you yell SURPRISE of course) that "Cake is coming". 

You guys keep talking about True Detective. Which means I'll do everything in my power to avoid True Detective then cave in 4-6 months, binge watch all of it, and ask you guys why you never told me how amazing it was. Truth: I tried to watch it the other night but had just played multiple rounds of Cards Against Humanity, drank two full glasses of jack & coke, and eaten about 6 moonshine soaked cherries. We had friends over so I fell asleep on the couch and drooled in the most lady like fashion possible. 

Okay.... Good night, kitty cats. Or should I sayyyy.......Katy Kats? 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Sunday Suckday

How frequently do you guys think that you're truly, legitimately crazy? If your answer's not at least 3-5 times a day then there's cause for concern because that's definitely where I'm at in life right now.

Anyway...just asking.

I've been a giant mess of emotions for a good two days now, and while I'd love to blame shark week being right on the horizon really it's just that I'm probably terribly unbalanced and a little bit whacked in the head.

But onto other random things that include phone pictures for nothing more than posterity scattered here and there.

This is a thing of beauty. If you're impatient like I am the glory starts somewhere around 0:59. 
Side note: Neutral Milk Hotel will always make me think of Will Grayson, Will Grayson which you should definitely read right this very moment if you haven't already.

Huge thank you's to my friend Lisa of Goodknits for introducing me to My Mad Fat Diary. If you're like me (an overweight woman who grew up in the 90's) or someone who appreciates amazing, real teen drama/comedy do yourself a favor and check it out. The second season starts on February 17th so get on it. Bonus: it basically has the best soundtrack ever.

My kids watched "Jurassic Park" for the first time today, and while the dinosaurs were no doubt impressive the one thing they found most amazing was the gift shop in the movie. I can't make this shit up, you guys. 

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly. And now you've learned something new today.

In my dreams I'm a food photographer. I spent my days making beautiful shit like this then eating it all. Also my two new favorite words are balsamic and glaze. It can make anything taste remarkable.

Side note: I fucking love chocolate. That toffee bark? I had some and it was nothing short of mind blowing. 

Can I just take a moment of your time to bitch about how cold this winter has been? No one should ever have to wear a winter coat to bed. Oh, and did you know that our propane company has jumped their price up to 4 dollars a gallon? Because fuck you guys that's why. Please kindly send me a link to this very blog entry in August when I'm complaining about the heat.

Cory spent a lot of time reading this then reciting the so-called "facts" back to me. I've decided that most of them are probably just the internet trying to be clever, but who am I to discourage the believers...

I don't even think I have any comments left to give on the whole Woody Allen shit. I'll just say that I've never seen a Woody Allen movie because I refuse to give a man who married his own stepdaughter any kind of support or recognition and leave it at that. 

My friends and I started a book club and they all humored me by reading my current favorite book. I want to write a review of it some day, I really do. But it'd take a lot of soul searching and basically be a gigantic list of reasons why I so identify with Cath, have mother issues and think Rainbow Rowell just may be the most amazing writer currently writing. 

But I'm so serious right now. Even the woman's twitter feed is a constant stream of nothing but pure genius, wit and perfection.

Hey you guys know what's funny? The fact that I've spent the last 5 years pretending to be a professional photographer and now almost always only use my phone. That's downright hilarious. 

And in closing, because I mentioned Rainbow Rowell, Sherlock gifs. Good night, friends. Send virtual hugs because my freezing body and spirit need them tonight.